why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
