I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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