HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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