Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
