i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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