Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
