She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
