who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
