hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
