I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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