I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
