i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
