So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
