I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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