wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
