Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
