I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
third nipple confirmed
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
