all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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