im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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