did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't deserve a penis
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
