so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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