hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
