I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
