PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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