a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
