it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
