Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
