I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
