I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My vagina is officially offended.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
