i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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