We're like a lot better than the average bears
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
bring money and cleavage
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
