why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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