Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
