He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
