my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
