it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
