THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
