Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
