She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
