If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
