Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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