Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
