and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
