it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
