As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
