Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
