I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
