No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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