he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
time to smoke my breakfast
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
