I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
