So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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