apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
