ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
