I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
